Journey To The Past
by Matrixaliesie
Summary: Adoption isn't easy, especially for the one who is adopted.


Finding out he was adopted was a hard pill to swallow. Over time Zell learned to accept it, but that left him with questions.

Who were his birth parents? Why did they give him up? Were they still alive? What was the rest of his biological family like?

The more time that passed the more questions he thought of and the only way he would get answers was if he somehow found his birth parents. Or at least one of them.

A part of him envied Squall. He had Ellone, who knew all about his parents and he didn't even have to look for his father.

Despite all the questions Zell had, there was only one he was afraid to ask; how would his Ma react?

He'd already decided to look for his birth parents but hadn't figured out how to tell her. Would she be mad? Would she cry? He'd never known how to deal with women crying, especially his Ma.

He sat at the kitchen table watching her cook, trying to figure out when to bring it up. This wasn't the first time he tried, every Sunday afternoon he planned to bring it up but always chickened out. He tried so many times that Sunday lunch had become a part of their weekly routine.

He'd worked out what to say in his head several times he just never found the courage to say it.

This week would be different.

He fidgeted at the table while she brought him a plate full of food.

"Are you alright, Zell?" she asked with a laugh.

"Ma, can—can I ask you something?" he asked his voice shaking.

"What's that dear?" she replied taking a bite of her lunch.

"I've decided that—" he started, but he forgot everything he'd prepared. "Ma—"

"Zell, you're starting to worry me," she said grabbing his hand. "Are—are you trying to tell me you're gay?" she whispered with a shrug.

"What?! No!" he shouted, jumping up from the table. "I'm straight!"

His sexuality was something he never questioned.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm—going to start looking for my birth parents," he said sheepishly.

"Oh," she breathed.

"Sorry," he said compulsively.

"Why are you sorry, dear?" she smiled weakly.

"You aren't mad about it, are you?" he asked.

"Oh, honey, no!" she chuckled. "Ever since we brought you home I knew one day you might want to find out where you came from. It's only natural."

He sighed and offered her a soft smile that quickly faded. Something occurred to him. What if his birth parents didn't want to meet him? What if that's why they gave him up? How would he even find out if that was the case?

He was so overwhelmed with relief that his Ma was being supportive and the realization that he might be wasting his time that he couldn't hold back tears.

"Zell, what's wrong?" she asked grabbing his cheek.

"What if I'm wasting my time?" he sobbed.

"You won't know that until you try," she soothed.

It was a hard truth to hear but he needed to hear it, though it wasn't what he wanted to hear.

He wanted her to say it wasn't going to be a waste, that he was doing the right thing but that wasn't the way she was. She never lied to him just to make him feel better.

"I don't know where to start," he whispered.

"I think you know exactly where to start, Zell," she chuckled. "Edea is only a few miles away. If anyone has answers for you it's her."

Zell smiled weakly and offered his mother a soft kiss on the cheek. "Thanks, Ma," he whispered.

* * *

He stood outside her door for what felt like an eternity. Once he knocked there was no going back.

Was this something he was truly ready to deal with? It might take years to find just one of his parents. A part of him hoped it would be as easy as it seemed in the movies, but Zell was realistic. It could be nearly impossible.

He knocked softly on Edea's door and waited for a response. When none came he knocked again, this time louder. Shortly after he was greeted by Edea's smile.

"Zell!" she greeted, "what a wonderful surprise! Come in!" she offered, stepping to the side.

He smiled softly and stepped into her suite.

"What brings you here, dear?" she asked closing the door. "Would you like some tea?"

"Yes, please," he answered, nervously wiping his hands on his jeans. "I need to ask you something," he said with his voice shaking.

"What's that?" she asked filling a kettle with water and placing it on the stove.

"Do—do you know anything about my birth parents?" Zell stuttered scratching the back of his head.

"Oh," she sighed clearly taken off guard. "I won't lie to you Zell, my memory is a little fuzzy on that time."

He couldn't say he was surprised. It was almost twenty years ago; a lot had happened since and memories weren't concrete.

"I see," he was disappointed but he couldn't magically refresh her memory.

"I don't remember ever meeting your birth father but your birth mother, her I distinctly remember," she said casually.

He hadn't expected that. "Y—you met my birth mother?"

Hope started to bubble up and butterflies fluttered in his stomach.

"Oh, yes," she smiled. "She arrived at the orphanage about a month before she gave birth to you. She couldn't have been more than nineteen at the time, very sweet and scared."

He had so many questions he didn't know where to start.

"What—how—when," he tried to find the right words but nothing would come out.

She smiled sweetly and gestured for him to sit on the couch.

"Her name was Danielle," Edea said. "She was from a small village in Eastern Centra."

"Why did she give me up?" Zell asked grimily.

"From what I remember, her parents were sickly and she would not have been able to take care of them and a baby. She couldn't abandon her parents but she could give you the chance to have a better life," she answered.

"So, I was born at the orphanage," he sighed.

"Yes, she stayed with you for a few days after you were born. I think she might have been questioning her decision to give you up."

The idea that she struggled with the decision was comforting despite that she had given him up. Now the question remained, would she want to meet him if she was still alive? If she was only nineteen when he was born she might still be alive unless she had been killed.

"Do you think she would want to meet me?" he whispered.

"I can't answer that," Edea answered. "If she's still anything like the young woman I met years ago I think she would want to."

"Do you know what village she was from?" Zell asked hopefully.

"I'm sorry Zell, she didn't tell me much about herself. I don't even know her surname," she shrugged. "I do know that she named you after her father, so you might be able to check census records for Centra."

It wasn't much but it was a start.

* * *

Zell was starting to believe his efforts were useless. Three days he spent combing through Census records and he was no closer to finding her.

Eastern Centra wasn't as sparsely populated as the western half of the country. Small villages dotted the landscape, each one sported a surprisingly large population.

Just when he was about to give up for the night, he stumbled across the information he'd hoped for. A bright smile stretched across his face as he stared down at the paper. The census was only a year old and according to it, Danielle and her father were both still alive. All her information was right there on the paper.

That brought up a new question, should he contact her or just show up on her doorstep?

* * *

This is only going to be two parts. Let me know what you think!


End file.
